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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25909237">there's a ghost in my lungs</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/eternalwind/pseuds/eternalwind'>eternalwind</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Persona 5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, and i said SURE, my mind said hey lets make akechi sad and think a lot at night, no beta we die like ryuji's pride 3/4 of the game</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 02:20:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,867</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25909237</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/eternalwind/pseuds/eternalwind</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p><i>and it sighs in my sleep<br/>wraps itself around my tongue<br/>as it softly speaks<br/>then it walks then it walks with my legs</i><br/> </p><p>In which Detective Prince Goro Akechi lets his own mind wander into very dangerous territory, sucking from his soul and gleefully drinking from his bleeding heart.</p><p>And all thanks to the warm body nestled close to his own.</p><p>He should've taken the couch.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>98</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>there's a ghost in my lungs</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>so i finished p5r two days ago and i've been devouring fics like a hungry yusuke ever since. in the end i also wanted to write something, so here, have this. i just want akechi to have some hugs tbh. and to express himself more freely. i'm glad his true self doesn't give a damn and can curse up a storm.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>Akira Kurusu sleeps with his glasses on.</p><p>An irrelevant detail, Goro Akechi thinks, and yet it's all his mind can think about, going on an endless loop as much as he tries to store it on the back of his mind labeled as <em> "irrelevant things about Kurusu I definitely do not think about whenever I see his stupid face". </em></p><p>Because honestly, he should <em> not </em> know about this foolish, irrelevant detail <em> at all</em>. Part of his brain (the rational one) whispers to him <em> just imagine he told you he fell asleep with them, then you won't feel as guilty</em>, and he shoves that voice into an imaginary closet and locks it for good measure because he <em> does not want to think about that detail, shut the fuck up. </em></p><p>The main issue with the <strike>very irrelevant</strike> detail is: he shouldn't know about it because he shouldn't even <em> be </em> here, under Akira Kurusu's bed covers, inside Leblanc at around three in the morning on a particularly cold November night. An impromptu storm decided to high-five whatever god hated Akechi's guts the most and with an "I gotcha" poured all the shit it had all over Tokyo, closing the lines for the night with a risk of flood.</p><p>In all honesty, it was Goro's fault for staying until he thought he could catch the last train, just enjoying a warm mug of his favourite flavour of coffee at his favourite spot while debating the meaning of justice with <strike>his favourite person</strike> the leader of the Phantom Thieves because he had nothing better to do with his time that day.</p><p>
  <em> What an idiot I am. An absolute, utter moron.</em>
</p><p>Goro turns his head to look at Kurusu without thinking, sees the window reflected on Kurusu's stupid glasses, and fights back a sneer at the fresh memory lurking in the back of his mind.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> "Akechi, just stay. I'm not going to let you get yourself trapped at the station with this storm that could blow you and your detective case all the way to the other end of the city." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> An public smile, automatic, before he realizes what he's saying. "Then maybe you think I could go back home for free? You thieves might be rubbing off on me." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Kurusu is a terrible influence, Goro realizes as his expression changes to horror way too late after the words escape his mouth. Kurusu's lips turn into a smug smile that practically has Joker's signature on it, but in the end the thief just shrugs. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Come now, I'll make curry for dinner. I don't want to hear any objections from you, detective."  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Hook, line, and sinker.</p><p>Apparently Goro is a sucker for fluffy black hair and pleading, worried eyes hidden behind teasing comments and fake glasses.</p><p>He wishes that worry was as fake as the stupid glasses he wants to take away from Kurusu's face and throw out of the window; as fake as his tv own smiles and just as plastic. Maybe that would make things easier for him in the long run, but then again, he's never had anything handed to him the easy way. </p><p>The world<em> took and took and took </em> from him and it just doesn't stop. Will it ever? <em> Never. </em> Can this <em> moment </em> even be considered respite for him? <em> What moment? Sleeping near Kurusu? How did he even drag me into the bed instead of the couch? </em> Was it the cold excuse? Does he want this? <em> Does he not? I do. </em> I don't. <em> I do. </em> I don't<em>. I don't know. </em></p><p>Something as simple as sleeping next to someone, hearing their soft breathing–<em> you're not alone anymore– </em> feeling them move under the covers looking for warmth– <em> you're needed– </em> waking up to a honest smile behind fake glasses–<em>you're loved–I can't have this. </em></p><p>He doesn't have the right to wish for it. He never had. He feels Loki's clawed hand reaching and twisting his stomach, its cold breath tickling his ears and raising all the hairs on his neck as it whispers with different, distorted voices "<em>the man with a black mask" "the true culprit" "the one behind the mental shutdowns"</em>.</p><p>Goro's breath begins to quicken, heartbeat loud against his ears and black spots appearing before his eyes as he closes them before he feels the familiar sensation of wanting to curl up on the floor, hug his knees until he feels pins and needles and his back hurts and his head splits in two from the pain and just <em>wait</em>. Take a deep breath. <em>Breathe in. Breathe out.</em> <em>Inhale. Exhale.</em></p><p>Even Kurusu is taking away from him <em> right now</em>, leaving him empty without air, without anger, without the rush of boiling blood that runs through his veins every second of his life, poisoning his mind and hiding under his pretty smile and pleasant demeanor. Kurusu takes <em> and takes and takes</em>–takes Goro's witty replies away and he has to shut his jaw closed at a well-thrown tease, his face hot; takes his nightmares of bloodied hands away as he dreams of both just going around in Mementos, but even then sometimes Goro ends up <em> alone </em> and begging for help despite not knowing why, he can't control his dreams and he <em> loathes </em> every second of it. </p><p>Akira Kurusu even leaves him without a heart, for Goro is sure it stops whenever he hears him laugh at something he just said, an inside joke between the two or just throws a smirk his way.</p><p>He takes sleep away from Goro, right at this moment, eyes wide open again as he stares into <em> his fucking glasses I'm going to crush them I swear to God– </em></p><p>He's not even breathing heavily anymore. Even <em> that </em> is taken from him.</p><p>A thief's nature, Goro's traitorous mind quips into his thoughts, and he lets out a quiet snort at it, feeling slightly lightheaded as his body grows heavier.</p><p>He doesn't have a right to wish, doesn't have a right to yearn, doesn't have a future to give, doesn't have <em> anything </em> because whatever he gets the world will just snatch it away from him as soon as he's had a taste and then leave him starved, parched and begging.</p><p>He refuses to let the world take Kurusu away from him.</p><p>He'll just take him away from the world, first. It just happens to be part of a bigger plan.</p><p>Goro sees his reflection in Kurusu's glasses again, notices the tears <em> (when did they start falling?) </em> and closes his eyes. <em> Great. </em> Well, at least Kurusu is fast asleep. That'll spare him the humiliation.</p><p>Right on cue with the imaginary god that hates his guts by flooding Tokyo and apparently now also reads his mind, he hears the bed covers rustle a bit, as if his bed companion <em>(ha)</em> were awake just now, but surely he wouldn't be <em> this </em>unlucky, would he? "Akechi?"</p><p>Well, so much for that.</p><p>But Goro is stubborn and pretends to be asleep with the hope that Kurusu will leave him alone, to think that he's just having a nightmare and never speak of this for the sake of Goro's dignity because <em> that's what friends do, Kurusu, and you sure bug me with this so leave me the fuck alo– </em></p><p>Then Akira Kurusu, honoring his thief title, takes Goro's thoughts away from him too by pressing his lips softly against Goro's forehead, and Goro's stomach sinks.</p><p>Akira Kurusu takes <em> and takes and takes </em> from Goro Akechi. Takes his voice, takes his breath, takes his wounds from battle, takes his heartbeat, takes his fake smile away and keeps taking and keeps taking– and even now takes his tears away. </p><p>Goro is left with nothing but a heavy body and a hungry need to be able to take from Kurusu as well.</p><p>As he feels Kurusu's arms wrap protectively around him, nestling him head below his chin against his chest <em> (he smells of coffee)</em>, Goro wishes he could <em> take </em> as well; take that smug Joker-like smirk and swallow it up among all the noises he'd make for Goro and Goro alone, take Kurusu's attention all for himself, take all his time, take the compliments and fond smiles he directs to other people and keep them like a dragon keeps his most precious treasure<em>– </em></p><p><em> It's not fair, </em> Goro screams in his mind until even his voice in his thoughts sounds raspy to himself. His shoulders won't stop shaking, the wetness won't leave his face and Kurusu just tightens his embrace, no words given nor explanations asked. Kurusu holds him like he's a treasure, like someone that matters to him, like Goro could disappear at any moment, like–</p><p>–like Goro's the one who will be taken away.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> … Why...? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He wants it.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> But I can't. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>A place to belong.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I can't have this. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Someone to come home to.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I won't ever have this. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Someone who cares for him.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I never had this! </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Warmth–</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> it's been taken away from me! </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Goro is left with a ghost of air in his lungs as Kurusu holds him close, shushing his trembling body against his own, as if he matters, as if Kurusu would give him the <em> world </em> if Goro so much as asked.</p><p>
  <em> God– </em>
</p><p>"It's alright. It'll be okay, Goro, I promise," and what's Goro Akechi to do with the whispered promise of a thief?</p><p>
  <em> Please, let me have this, just this once. </em>
</p><p>He takes the promise for himself, holds it tightly against his chest even if it squeezes his heart until it hurts and doesn't let it go.</p><p>Goro falls asleep with Kurusu gently shushing his demons away, lips on his hair, whispers in his ears and warmth around his body, seeping into his very bones.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>When Goro wakes the next morning to the smell of coffee and the soft pitter-patter of cat paws over the wooden floorboard, the first thing he sees are the glasses placed neatly atop of the nightstand, and the next thing he feels is an arm limp around his waist, fluffy black hair tickling his chin and warm, steady breathing on his collarbone.</p><p>A promise feels heavy on his chest, but Goro decides to keep it.</p><p>
  <em> At least I can have this… </em>
</p><p>Loki's voice rings in his ears <em> "for now". </em></p><p>Kurusu hums softly against his neck as he stirs, making Goro stiffen before giving in to that side of his that's starved and begging for warmth and attention; begging to take from Kurusu until he dries. Goro's fingers tangle between the dark curls and lets a sigh escape as his mind pictures... a future with a homey café, maybe; a future with loud friends that pester him nonstop but in the end he doesn't mind, a future with no fear or blood in his hands, a future with a family that loves him in a home that smells of coffee… And all have honest smiles and fake glasses in them.</p><p>He's too far gone for regrets now.</p><p>Goro sighs. He should've taken the couch.<br/><br/></p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I'm not calling you a liar</em>
</p><p>
  <em>just don't lie to me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm not calling you a thief</em>
</p><p>
  <em>just don't steal from me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm not calling you a ghost</em>
</p><p>
  <em>just stop haunting me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>and I love you so much</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm gonna let you kill me.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you florence for this song named "i'm not calling you a liar" that immediately made me think "shit this sounds like shuake" and gave me the final push to write something, and i can't write real angst to save my life so i just pulled some comfort and inner issues.</p><p>english is not my mother language and i struggle a bit when writing, so apologies for any slip-ups.</p><p>also as i was writing the bed hug (hah) i remembered <a href="https://twitter.com/todoyamas/status/1170224747495473152?s=19">this piece</a> by todoyamas i saw a while ago and had me enamored</p></blockquote></div></div>
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